A Self-Portrait - Reflection

Reflections on myself:

Having agonised over my self-portrait for months, I finally got it to a point where I felt like I could submit it. The feedback wasn’t great; in fact after written feedback, vocal feedback, uploading my feedback to the OCA Facebook group to see if they could decipher it and mulling over what they said, I still haven’t really got any idea what it all means.

My tutor understood why I had used several images and felt that my use of Sontag explained it well. She felt, however that I could have arranged it in a way that made interpretation more straightforward. I couldn’t agree more; At one point, I had tried to combine the images so that important parts of each image made one whole person, in the style of an image by Philippe Halsman This didn’t work as there were too many images where similar parts were necessary so it looked very unbalanced and disjointed.

As I had described my characters from left to right in writing, my tutor suggested that this is how they should be viewed, rather than huddled together. I tried to explain that I only described them from left to right as I had no choice, Western writing renders us unable to describe things from back to front or on top of each other but in photography, we do have that choice. It was also suggested that I increase the figures gradually in size to show transformation from one into the other. I did not want the characters from right to left, back to front or smaller to larger as there is no order to them in my life; I am all of those characters almost every day, none before or after the other and their importance in my life also varies greatly. For this reason, a left to right layout would be wrong. 

I am pleased with the layout that I chose for my five characters as they can be read front to back, left to right, from the middle outwards, or however the viewer chooses. I am also pleased with the layout as the elements overlap, as they often do in life; this afternoon, I am a student and a mum, yesterday I went to boot camp and did some photography work, my work in a school overlaps with being a mum as my children attend the same school, I sometimes photograph events in the same school, and so on... I think the inability to read this image reflects massively on my life as a whole; I very rarely know where to look or what to do first so why would I make it any easier for the viewer?

My tutor suggests the narrative sequences of such works as the Bayeux Tapestry; I’m aiming more for the anti-narrative anti-sequence of such works as Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs. I only wish I had Tarantino's style!

Visually, I agree that the final piece needed some work, the mix of shapes and colours was a lot to look at. I have increased the size of my five elements, removing the lower half of the legs and exaggerated the overlap; I wanted to really get away from any impression that a left to right arrangement was intended. I have kept the two colourful bodies, front and back, which are now smaller in comparison to the five elements. I feel that I completely omitted an explanation of these two elements in my original piece so will rectify this in my redo. 

The inclusion of coloured powder brings connotations of Hinduism, more specifically the Holi Festival of Colour. In Hindu art and Christian alike, the higher being is often placed at the top of the image while Earthly beings remain below. In the images below, Indra, God of Gods and Christ are looking down upon the mortals on Earth.

The time at which I feel the most at one with myself, the most in touch with a higher self is out in the fresh air, surrounded by the beautiful colours of nature. Yes, my life is busy and yes, sometimes I don’t know whether I’m coming or going but a good stomp in the countryside can make all the stresses and strains of daily life fade away. In order to make the ‘higher self’ appear more ethereal, I have added a white layer behind and reduced the opacity. My Earthly being, the colourful me at the front with the sparkly eyes and colourful face is the result of that sprinkling of colour from the higher self.

Without the combined elements, of which I have chosen to show five I wouldn’t be who I am today but the colourful Earthly self is what I always aim to be, with a little help from the higher being.